Training reflections already?

I have not signed up for a marathon.  why not?  When I commit to something I generally do it.  I'm certainly a man of my word but its more than that, I do it for me.  I don't care what people think.  I am who I am.  I realize that sounds a bit selfish but almost all I do, I do for me.  I have delved into my selfishness before but haven't explained it well and tried to express unselfishness through selfishness. 

I want to Trail run...   Long distance runs over long periods appeal to me.  Maybe its primal, maybe it makes me feel like a man.  (flashes of fight club come to mind) I need to run.  The fitter I get I want to run everywhere.  I park my truck at work and I want to run up to the door, I take the dog for a walk and I find my steps getting larger and quicker.  We are made to run.  We evolved to be active and get away.  I am running for me.  One day I will run a 100 mile race.  I will do it for me.  I may skip activities in life, Parties, nights out drinking, eating, dates, Birthdays because I want to run..  I need to run.  Sometimes it hurts.  Bad...  how do you get through?  Its your mind.  I think "this is me, how do I want to remember this run?"  in a year, what do I wish I was doing at that moment...  When I run 100 miles in under 24 hours, I can only imagine how I will feel.  How did I get there?  Selfishness?  or is it devotion?  passion?  an instinct? a need to believe in myself, a need to improve, a need for a feeling overwhelms you.  I have only had runners high on long runs.   Ive felt it on mountains, Ive felt it on the side of a frozen waterfall...  Its a feeling when your mind goes blank for a second (REBOOT), it is then filled with a feeling of uneasiness.  All thoughts and choices become clear.  Its you and the task at hand.  Its only then when you realize how inconsequential most of the other things going on in your life are. 

Did you ever see a kid in high school.  Something happens, they get in trouble, a girlfriend breaks up with them, they get an injury, they thing the world is over.  I remember that feeling..  Like "this is it".  My life is over..  :)  its fun to look back...  Adults I know talk about it, comparing the stories, then go on to make their own complaints, My job this and my wife that, and these bills...  When I am on top of a mountain,  when I am skiing down a steep slope, sometimes when my life is at risk, I feel like those "adult" problems and their complaints are no different than the kids.  We have no control..  you want it, but its not there.  :)  deal with it.  Let it go..  go with the flow.  Book a trip, if it doesn't work out, go somewhere else and make the best of it.  Get up right now, find a trail and go for a run.  Maybe you don't know how far you'll run.  Maybe you haven't run a mile since high school.  maybe your Ipod will die...   Maybe it will get dark while your on your run. Do you have a headlamp?  Maybe.  My point is it'll work out.  Enjoy life.  Enjoy yourself and the feats you can acomplish.  When a good person is selfish, it becomes selfless.   It ad's to their personality.  Their soul gains wisdom.  You will then exude an aura of selflessness.  The people who think you are selfish are the selfish ones; Quietly judging something they couldn't possibly understand.  People are so quick to judge people, quick to criticize.  I don't let it bother me nor do I don't hold it against them.  So again, Find your mountain, find your trip, find your runners high, find your clarity... 

Let me ask you a question...  Have you ever really challanged yourself????